November 27, 2023 is the date that I lost my sweet Jazz. I can't believe it's been almost two years since he passed. I am handling his death a lot better, but there are days that it still hits me pretty hard. The tears still flow, just not as often. My heart still aches for him. The pain never goes away. The picture to the left is the last one I took of Jazz before he died.
I miss him more than words can say. He wasn't just a "pet". He was my rock, my "work from home homey". He was my emotional support. He was the first thing I wanted to see when I got out of bed each morning. He was an early morning riser like my husband. I remember him lying on the couch waiting for me to come out the bedroom. He would raise his head up for me to kiss it, his tail wagging like crazy! He would jump off the couch and follow me into my office where he would lay quietly on his doggy chaise.
He died lying on that chaise in my office. It took me a week to go back into my office after he passed. Whenever I would leave and come back home, I would sit in my car, paralyzed, not wanting to go in the house because I knew he would not be waiting at the door for me. The deafening silence in my home after the death of Jazz was excruciatingly loud.
Jazz came into my life when I was going through a lot of health issues. My husband saw how depressed I had become and suggested that we get a dog. I wan't sure about getting a dog. I hadn't grown up with pets. I thought about how much responsibility it would bring and I wan't totally on board it with. My daughter had begged us for years to get a dog. I started to warm up to the idea after finding a breeder in North Carolina that bred Schnoodles. I had said that if I ever got a dog it would be a Schnoodle. The next thing you know I found Jazz. He came into our lives when he was just 8 weeks old. He was spoiled rotten from the moment the breeder put him into my arms. It was love at first sight! He bought so much joy into our lives for 12 years.
People keep asking me when I'm going to get another dog. I tell them that I don't know if I ever will. Right now, I don't think that I can handle seeing another dog that I love die. You think you are prepared for them to get old and die, but you really are not. And it is doubly hard to deal with them getting sick and dying within a two month period.
I would love to have another dog. Lately, I find myself looking through websites for local miniature Schnauzer breeders. I want another male. I even have a name picked out. I find myself geting excited about having another dog to love. But, I'm not sure if I can love another dog. I know I will compare that dog to Jazzy. Then my mind always go back to that dreadful morning that Jazz died. The images of that morning is etched in my brain. It was so traumatic. I never want to go through that again. My husband tells me to focus on the years of good memories we shared with Jazz and not the last few months of his life. I do focus on the good times that I shared with Jazz. It is those memories that have made life bearable.
If you are struggling with the death of a beloved pet, I want to share a few nuggets with you.
- The grief process is not linear. You may meander in and out of the stages of grief, going back and forth, rather than experiencing each stage in sequential order. It’s not uncommon to start to feel better, and then feel like a wave of grief has washed over you again.
- Acknowledge your grief, and give yourself permission to express it. Allow yourself to cry.Suppressing your feelings of sadness can prolong your grief.
- Reach out to others who can lend a sympathetic ear. Do a little research online, and you'll find hundreds of resources and support groups that may be helpful to you.
- Consider memorializing your pet through a bereavement ritual.
- Sadness can drain your energy and leave you mentally and physically exhausted, so take care of yourself by looking after your physical and emotional needs.
- If your grief is persistent and interferes with your daily life activities, you may need to seek professional help. Contact your doctor or a mental health professional to evaluate for depression.
- Don't be pressured to get another pet. Some people may want to do this right away, while others need more time. It is an individual decision.
What has your grief journey looked like?
Grief never ends... But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith... It is the price of love. -Unknown
Resources:
https://www.humaneworld.org/en/resources/how-cope-death-your-pet
https://www.foundanimals.org/5-ways-to-cope-with-loss-of-a-pet/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22852414535